A question that has been always in the back of my mind, seeming to pop up at a regular interval is, Do you have to be broken to be able to feel whole? Do you have to hit rock bottom to be able to truly improve? I have addressed it briefly in some previous posts but I dedicate this one to it, at least the pieces of a whole part-mostly relationship oriented. This question was triggered by reading an old teacher's blog (creepy, kinda). This teacher was a mentor to me, and his blog has provided me a lot of insight. He wrote that he hasn't had a lot of trouble in his life, hasn't traversed a lot of tragedy whether it be financially or otherwise but he has had his heart broken. He said he has been party to four broken relationships. Well I've been party to none. Not that I am wishing for that, believe me, I think it is one of the biggest blessings in my life, but it makes me wonder if I am one day going to yearn for that. Now let me explain that oxymoronic statement. Can the heart yearn for pain? Of course not. But I think that the heart does yearn for love without doubt. And to me, at first glance, it seems that the only way you can experience a doubtless love is to exhaust every other possibility, to see what you don't want.
Okay, but maybe that's not it. Try to put up with my black and forth. Things aren't black and white, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
So this is the conclusion I've come to for now. Everybody's different. What a breakthrough, I know. All my faithful, and numerous blog readers are breathing a sigh of relief, and saying to themselves, "Gosh, this is why I read her blog. For the unique insight." Again, let me explain. Why the hell would I want my heart broken only to piece it back together. Sure, there have been cracks along the way, and there will be more to come, maybe even a full out break. But the heart knows what it wants and it doesn't need to be told what it doesn't in order to appreciate all the good in life.
This is a passing glance at an issue or a thought that will continue to cross my mind. It is by no means my full conclusion, just one piece in the puzzle.
This reminds me of our small group talk. About hitting rock bottom to find ourselves and God and to be humbled.... I still believe in what I said- that we should recognize we are never worthy and that alone is rock bottom. Recognizing our weakness'. But as far as love and people relationships? Good q!
ReplyDeleteIn my know-it-all brain, I would like to think that I have learned enough from friends and family that I have a good idea of what I want in my relationship, but I am sure I will get a slap in the face when the time comes. I wonder if you never experience really awful heartbreak if you will feel doubtful in the future? I think I have felt tiny heart cracks... but no break. Burden or blessing? Hmmmmmm....