Wow, it's been awhile. (I wonder how many blog posts on the world wide web start like that....a lot I'm guessing). After a recent inspiration from my dear friend Ryan, and affirmation that people do read this, I am going to post again. I guess I just haven't quite gotten over the fact that blogging seems arrogant. Ah, well. Call me arrogant then. I looked back on my extensive blog posting...and came to a post a year or so ago. It's funny how little things change sometimes, but how much they do at the same time. This paradoxical idea is the theme of this post. I have been through a lot of changes in the past year, some good, some great, some not so great. I've always prided myself on my flexibility, my ability to change. But I realized that flexibility doesn't negate self-reflection. I say this to mean, sometimes I think I let big things change in my life and instead of dealing or thinking about them, I say to myself, "Ellen, you love change. You can totally handle it. Stop being such a baby." No one can change without dealing with it. What changes are you talking about so generally, Ellen? (okay, can't keep calling myself in the third person...) Let's start with the big one. I can now call myself a South Dakotan.
I have called myself many things in my life, a Kansan, Missourian, Michigander (weirdest one by far), and now South Dakotan. This, I can tell, is going to be one of the harder moves because I am old enough to know what it means. I feel so far away from everything, and everyone I know. I told Jesse this, that I feel like I am moving in slow motion while everyone speeds past me. I think he can sympathize with me but if you haven't moved you don't really understand. And I'm not talking about our move to college, although it is very big. One thing that made college easier in my mind was I always had a place of stability at home. People, places that I knew. That has changed. So, how do I deal with it? Don't get me wrong, I love my new quaint home in Vermillion. The scenery is beautiful, and I love the pace here, but I still yearn to be with people I know, besides my family (not thatI am taking them for granted). To me, it is the people that make a town. Happiness isn't real unless shared. This summer has a lot to teach me, and I think the biggest thing is I am going to be just fine. Sure, my struggles are nothing compared to the majority of the world, I have a stocked fridge, clean water and a warm bed. And I am grateful. But I guess for me, the worries become, when put to the test of independence, could I pass. The answer is yes. So I embrace my new South Dakotan-ness and decide to take and learn what I can from this beautiful country.
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