"Language has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone, and the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone."

--Paul Johannes Tillich

This Emotional Life

I went from 0 to 60 in terms of blog posting, and I am sure I can’t keep up this pace but ah well. I have been in a documentary mode lately, and I had forgotten how much I like them. You get to learn in an hour and a half about someone else’s life, someone else’s struggles, or an issue in our world. I’ve watched Food, Inc. which I would highly recommend. It has changed the way that I look at what I eat. I also watched a PBS special: Digital Nation, which made me a little more cognizant of the technology I use everyday. I watched The Smartest Guys in the Room, which is about the fall of Enron. And last night I watched “This Emotional Life.” It is another PBS special. They explain it better than I can:

"Harvard psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Daniel Gilbert (Stumbling on Happiness) hosts this three-part PBS series that explores the range of human emotions and how we can strive to become more positive in our day-to-day lives. The program examines the biological basis of happiness, the role of relationships and the ways in which we can cope with negative emotions.”
It was very well done. It started by going through the familial relationships, parent to child, child to parent. Then the friend relationship, one of the most delicate relationships. Finally, the romantic love. Although at times it was discouraging, especially in the marriage one, where it seems impossible to have a marriage that lasts, I think the most interesting part was understanding that as humans we need social relationships for survival. They are an innate need.

I think the biggest thing I learned from this documentary is to make conscious decisions and make conscious efforts when dealing with my social relationships. They are natural, but they don’t always stay that way. It takes work, it takes effort.

After re-reading that last post, I hope it made sense. I guess it doesn't matter if it makes sense to others, I do this for myself. Today I began an undertaking most 50 year-olds would be envious of. I watched the pilot of West Wing today, and plan to make it through at least the first four seasons, which are the best. I love this show. It is incredibly written, interesting and it shows a world I have a lot of interest in.

A quick summer goal list: they rarely vary summer to summer

1. Get healthy
2. Read, read, read
3. Save money, be financially stable
4. Just live, get rid of all these expectations that just lead to guilt. Just live life.

South Dakota: Great Places, Great Faces

Wow, it's been awhile. (I wonder how many blog posts on the world wide web start like that....a lot I'm guessing). After a recent inspiration from my dear friend Ryan, and affirmation that people do read this, I am going to post again. I guess I just haven't quite gotten over the fact that blogging seems arrogant. Ah, well. Call me arrogant then.

I looked back on my extensive blog posting...and came to a post a year or so ago. It's funny how little things change sometimes, but how much they do at the same time. This paradoxical idea is the theme of this post. I have been through a lot of changes in the past year, some good, some great, some not so great. I've always prided myself on my flexibility, my ability to change. But I realized that flexibility doesn't negate self-reflection. I say this to mean, sometimes I think I let big things change in my life and instead of dealing or thinking about them, I say to myself, "Ellen, you love change. You can totally handle it. Stop being such a baby." No one can change without dealing with it. What changes are you talking about so generally, Ellen? (okay, can't keep calling myself in the third person...) Let's start with the big one. I can now call myself a South Dakotan. I have called myself many things in my life, a Kansan, Missourian, Michigander (weirdest one by far), and now South Dakotan. This, I can tell, is going to be one of the harder moves because I am old enough to know what it means. I feel so far away from everything, and everyone I know. I told Jesse this, that I feel like I am moving in slow motion while everyone speeds past me. I think he can sympathize with me but if you haven't moved you don't really understand. And I'm not talking about our move to college, although it is very big. One thing that made college easier in my mind was I always had a place of stability at home. People, places that I knew. That has changed. So, how do I deal with it? Don't get me wrong, I love my new quaint home in Vermillion. The scenery is beautiful, and I love the pace here, but I still yearn to be with people I know, besides my family (not thatI am taking them for granted). To me, it is the people that make a town. Happiness isn't real unless shared.

This summer has a lot to teach me, and I think the biggest thing is I am going to be just fine. Sure, my struggles are nothing compared to the majority of the world, I have a stocked fridge, clean water and a warm bed. And I am grateful. But I guess for me, the worries become, when put to the test of independence, could I pass. The answer is yes. So I embrace my new South Dakotan-ness and decide to take and learn what I can from this beautiful country.