Books, books, books

I have been on a reading frenzy lately, made myself into a lean-mean-reading-machine. For now, at least. Who knows how long this will last. I figured I could use this blog to document the books I've read so I can maybe remember them 2 days from now.

1.) This Much I Know Is True-Wally Lamb
This was an Oprah book selection once upon the time. I was dubious at the start, the cover has a picture of a baby's fetus, I thought it was some weird mom book my mom had given me. But I was pleasantly surprised. The book follows the story of two twins, Thomas and Dominick. Thomas is schizophrenic, Dominick isn't. The plot is told from the perspective from the sometimes twisted, dark but well-intentioned Dominick. It is a story about the family who, like most families, is dysfunctional. At first you can't see the kindness in the abusive, crass father, but like people, you learn to see the sympathy in his heart.

I liked this book because it was not only a fast read, but it made me learn more about relationships, something you can always learn about. That's what reading does, it takes you into worlds you wouldn't otherwise get to go into. I thought it was interesting to see the difficult balance Dominick struggled to strike throughout. He loved and wanted to help his brother who was in and out of mental hospitals but at what point are you helping to improve your brothers life, or helping out of guilt? Overall, I'd give the book a B+.

2.) Angela's Ashes-Frank McCourt
I have started this book probably three times but never finished it. This time I was determined, and it was well worth it. Angela's Ashes is considered a classic, read by millions. It is the biography of American author, Frank McCourt and his difficult childhood in famine-ridden Ireland. Another story of a dysfunctional family. His father drinks his wages, his mother has to go through the death of three children. Frank goes through the typical rites of passages, but the writing makes them funny, more meangiful, even monumental. Angela's Ashes made me think about my thoughts to write my own memoir. I haven't gone through the kind of hunger, the kind of tragedy, or had the kind of life that Frank McCourt had, but that doesn't mean I don't have the ability to write a memoir people would want to read. IT wasn't the situations McCourt went through, albeit improtant, but it ws the way he wrote them. One thing I enjoyed about this book was his phonetic way of writing. He would transfer the Irish accent into the pages, making them come alive. Overall, I would give this book an A.

One of my favorite quotes-it comes from Frank's headmaster.
"You have to study and learn so that you can make up your own mind about history and everything else but you can’t make up an empty mind. Stock your mind, stock your mind. It is your house of treasure and no one in the world can interfere with it."

3.) She's Come Undone-Wally Lamb
This is the book I am currently reading. It is by the same author as This much I know is true. It is written from a girl named Dolores' perspective. It is like Lamb's other book, where it follows a twisted and disturbed main character and their journey for self-actualization. Lamb's strength is in character development. Although Dolores continues to make the wrong decisions, you want her to succeed, figure out life. You wonder when life knocks down these people so many times, what makes them want to get up? I'll update when I finish.

PIeces of a Whole

A question that has been always in the back of my mind, seeming to pop up at a regular interval is, Do you have to be broken to be able to feel whole? Do you have to hit rock bottom to be able to truly improve? I have addressed it briefly in some previous posts but I dedicate this one to it, at least the pieces of a whole part-mostly relationship oriented. This question was triggered by reading an old teacher's blog (creepy, kinda). This teacher was a mentor to me, and his blog has provided me a lot of insight. He wrote that he hasn't had a lot of trouble in his life, hasn't traversed a lot of tragedy whether it be financially or otherwise but he has had his heart broken. He said he has been party to four broken relationships. Well I've been party to none. Not that I am wishing for that, believe me, I think it is one of the biggest blessings in my life, but it makes me wonder if I am one day going to yearn for that. Now let me explain that oxymoronic statement. Can the heart yearn for pain? Of course not. But I think that the heart does yearn for love without doubt. And to me, at first glance, it seems that the only way you can experience a doubtless love is to exhaust every other possibility, to see what you don't want.

Okay, but maybe that's not it. Try to put up with my black and forth. Things aren't black and white, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

So this is the conclusion I've come to for now. Everybody's different. What a breakthrough, I know. All my faithful, and numerous blog readers are breathing a sigh of relief, and saying to themselves, "Gosh, this is why I read her blog. For the unique insight." Again, let me explain. Why the hell would I want my heart broken only to piece it back together. Sure, there have been cracks along the way, and there will be more to come, maybe even a full out break. But the heart knows what it wants and it doesn't need to be told what it doesn't in order to appreciate all the good in life.

This is a passing glance at an issue or a thought that will continue to cross my mind. It is by no means my full conclusion, just one piece in the puzzle.

Summmmmmmmer

Time does seem to go slower here in South Dakota, but I have begun to embrace that fact, rather than fight it. It's hard not to feel like a broken record when I look back on what I write on here, but I guess that speaks to the nature of life. We battle the same things always, just in different forms. A cynic would see that as discouraging, but as an eternal optimist I look at it as the only way we can truely improve.

A few things that have happened in the Hensel life:

1. Mama Hensel has made the final move to South Dakota, for good this time. She has already brightened the household. My dad said to me the night before she had to come, It's been a long year and a half. He is too ready for her to get here. Ironically, he was in DC during her arrival but will be back tomorrow.

2. We are embracing teh South Dakota landscape. On Wednesday we are going to rough it at a cabin near where Laura Ingalls Wilder grew up during her writing of the "The Long Winter" (a book we have decided to do a family read-aloud with. This cabin has an outdoor bathroom and you bring your own food to cook, so Mama said "We will be going out to eat." True Hensel fashion.

3. We are also going to get into the World Cup. My first team is Argentina, I think we are picking more. I also have to cook a traditional Argentinian dinner...

4. I've been reading! Go, Ellen. I have dove into three books, I Know This Much is True, a Ya-Ya sisterhood book and the companion to A Wrinkle In Time. I'm only in the beginning for all three, but I like them so far.

So that's Ellen life, for the thousands who care. Alert the presses!

P.S. Here's a pic of my fave spot in Vermillion. On my runs I like to go there for a much deserved break.

"Language has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone, and the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone."

--Paul Johannes Tillich

This Emotional Life

I went from 0 to 60 in terms of blog posting, and I am sure I can’t keep up this pace but ah well. I have been in a documentary mode lately, and I had forgotten how much I like them. You get to learn in an hour and a half about someone else’s life, someone else’s struggles, or an issue in our world. I’ve watched Food, Inc. which I would highly recommend. It has changed the way that I look at what I eat. I also watched a PBS special: Digital Nation, which made me a little more cognizant of the technology I use everyday. I watched The Smartest Guys in the Room, which is about the fall of Enron. And last night I watched “This Emotional Life.” It is another PBS special. They explain it better than I can:

"Harvard psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Daniel Gilbert (Stumbling on Happiness) hosts this three-part PBS series that explores the range of human emotions and how we can strive to become more positive in our day-to-day lives. The program examines the biological basis of happiness, the role of relationships and the ways in which we can cope with negative emotions.”
It was very well done. It started by going through the familial relationships, parent to child, child to parent. Then the friend relationship, one of the most delicate relationships. Finally, the romantic love. Although at times it was discouraging, especially in the marriage one, where it seems impossible to have a marriage that lasts, I think the most interesting part was understanding that as humans we need social relationships for survival. They are an innate need.

I think the biggest thing I learned from this documentary is to make conscious decisions and make conscious efforts when dealing with my social relationships. They are natural, but they don’t always stay that way. It takes work, it takes effort.

After re-reading that last post, I hope it made sense. I guess it doesn't matter if it makes sense to others, I do this for myself. Today I began an undertaking most 50 year-olds would be envious of. I watched the pilot of West Wing today, and plan to make it through at least the first four seasons, which are the best. I love this show. It is incredibly written, interesting and it shows a world I have a lot of interest in.

A quick summer goal list: they rarely vary summer to summer

1. Get healthy
2. Read, read, read
3. Save money, be financially stable
4. Just live, get rid of all these expectations that just lead to guilt. Just live life.

South Dakota: Great Places, Great Faces

Wow, it's been awhile. (I wonder how many blog posts on the world wide web start like that....a lot I'm guessing). After a recent inspiration from my dear friend Ryan, and affirmation that people do read this, I am going to post again. I guess I just haven't quite gotten over the fact that blogging seems arrogant. Ah, well. Call me arrogant then.

I looked back on my extensive blog posting...and came to a post a year or so ago. It's funny how little things change sometimes, but how much they do at the same time. This paradoxical idea is the theme of this post. I have been through a lot of changes in the past year, some good, some great, some not so great. I've always prided myself on my flexibility, my ability to change. But I realized that flexibility doesn't negate self-reflection. I say this to mean, sometimes I think I let big things change in my life and instead of dealing or thinking about them, I say to myself, "Ellen, you love change. You can totally handle it. Stop being such a baby." No one can change without dealing with it. What changes are you talking about so generally, Ellen? (okay, can't keep calling myself in the third person...) Let's start with the big one. I can now call myself a South Dakotan. I have called myself many things in my life, a Kansan, Missourian, Michigander (weirdest one by far), and now South Dakotan. This, I can tell, is going to be one of the harder moves because I am old enough to know what it means. I feel so far away from everything, and everyone I know. I told Jesse this, that I feel like I am moving in slow motion while everyone speeds past me. I think he can sympathize with me but if you haven't moved you don't really understand. And I'm not talking about our move to college, although it is very big. One thing that made college easier in my mind was I always had a place of stability at home. People, places that I knew. That has changed. So, how do I deal with it? Don't get me wrong, I love my new quaint home in Vermillion. The scenery is beautiful, and I love the pace here, but I still yearn to be with people I know, besides my family (not thatI am taking them for granted). To me, it is the people that make a town. Happiness isn't real unless shared.

This summer has a lot to teach me, and I think the biggest thing is I am going to be just fine. Sure, my struggles are nothing compared to the majority of the world, I have a stocked fridge, clean water and a warm bed. And I am grateful. But I guess for me, the worries become, when put to the test of independence, could I pass. The answer is yes. So I embrace my new South Dakotan-ness and decide to take and learn what I can from this beautiful country.