Laughing

I. love. this. video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxUulGkLu4I

I am one of those people that laughs at nearly every video on America's Funniest Home Videos. I have a juvenile sense of humor.
Two things guarantee to make things laugh.

1. When someones voice cracks (preferably a mans)
2. When people fall into trash cans. This however, only seems to happen in the movies, alas.

Recently, I have had this obsession with finding a new laugh, I don't know if it is because I notice other people's laughs or if I notice how awful mine is. No matter the reason, I am working on developing a new laugh. I'll let you know how that goes.

This is a random post. But I guess what pulls it together is, there is no one in this world that dislikes laughter. Sure, we've got the 9th grade emo kids who try to say it only makes them cringe and those who are just too serious but when you get down to it, show me a person who doesn't like laughter and I'll show you a liar. Wise words from Ellen.

Anyway, to the two people(Lizzie and Kat, I love you both) who read this, enjoy the video, although I know Kat has already seen it. And by golly, have a good laugh.

Expertise

I wish there were more things in this life that I could say I was an expert on. Not important things like the economy or mathematics, but like movie trivia. I wish there was a movie I knew everything about, that I could name all the characters, their birthdate. I want to be an expert in something random. I've always thought that people like that are cool because it is something so unique.

Sometimes I think that I am lacking a specific personality, or one that I like at least. Gosh, way to make that small unimportant post into something serious, Ellen. But really, I've been thinking about it a lot. What makes me different from everyone else? Honestly, not a lot. I wish I was one of those people that other people called a "character." I want to be a character. And I think I'll start with a wierd obsession in something random.

Is writing a memoir arrogant?

So, after reading David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day" I am going to begin my memoir. The first thing that comes to mind (per the title) is, is that arrogant? To think that my short lived life is worth writing, and worse, worth the time of strangers. But, no matter, I have already started brainstorming. It will be one of two books to start out my life as a writer. The second being "A Day Worth Writing About." This second one will be the one to make me the big dough, it will no doubtely make the best sellers list. The concept is that I have to write for a certain amount of time every day, in order to become more aware of my life and how I am living it. My memoir will stay dusty on the shelves of quaint bookshops, but that is alright considering I wrote it for myself.

So that's it.

This is one of the more positive posts, and it is indictivative of my mood the majority of the time. So don't be thinking I'm all moody.

Why do I never want to post when I'm happy....which is most of the time.

The feeling, the recognition, the everything of loneliness is one of the hardest things to recognize in yourself. Most of us are surrounded by people and if we aren't, we are surrounded by ways to communicate with people. But amidst a crowd, we still feel lonely. I guess it is because it is not the amount of people you are with but who you are with. Notice the feeble attempt to cover up that cliche with deep musings. But, anyway. I'm lonely. And I hate it. It is one of those dominoe-ing feelings, where you finally recognize that you feel alone and then you start thinking about every insecurity you've ever had. Those are the worst. I know this is just a phase, that it is probably just part of the transition to home but I would really love if it went away. But this is complain-y enough for now.

Really, most of the time I am happy as a clam.

You know you are behind when your mom knows more about the internet than you.

Enjoy Kitty. It's part of a very delayed birthday present. Just part, however.

Weight

Sometimes there are phrases, lyrics, words that just stick out to you. They are easily remembered, constantly repeated. This lyric was one of them. It comes from Dar William's song, Closer to Me. Somehow these type of lyrics get at the core of something within you, some insecurity, some worry, some constant thought.

“Am I the habit you're too tired to break?"

Man, oh man. Nine words that hit the nail a little to hard on the head. For some reason, college has made me more insecure. Maybe its not college, but irregardless the result of this time has been the same. Annoying insecurity. Insecurity that despite my most valient attempts at hiding it behind confidence and humor pokes out its ugly head. But the truth is I question all. I question my friendships, I question my ability, I question my relationships. I doubt. I question. I wonder. And, worse, I try to act like I'm not.

It's not that I question my dedication to my friends, it is unfailing. And not to say I have friends that ever confirm this insecurity. It's just that I am scared it is a one-way road. Or maybe it is a two-way road but one side is more heavily used than the other. So this is where that damned lyric comes in. Do my friends spend time with me because I am available, because I am persistent, because I am "there" or because the alternative would take effort.

But really, the real insecurity isn't even only in my friendships, it is in the other relationships, the romantic ones. Although it seems silly to speculate without any real evidence to show I will even have to deal with this, it constantly crosses my mind. Will someone love me because they truly love me or because it is comfortable? I think that is an common worry for people. It is a primitive feeling, almost. But it is weighing me down. It's just too big to handle.

No one likes an insecure friend. Even worse, an insecure soulmate. Gonnahavetoworkonthat.

Friends

Whenever I hear the song "For Good" from Wicked I think of certain people. My closest, dearest friends. I think of the afternoon Maggie and I belted every word to Wicked instead of homework. I remember the Candyman dancing of my Kat. Breaking it down with people in my living room. Late night talks. I remember the kind words of people I just meet, and that I hope to get to know better.
I have always been blessed with incredible people, people who make me better. Sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserve it. And then, I realize, nothign. I have done nothing. I don't deserve them. But that is what makes those kind of friends so invaluable. Because they stick with you even when you don't deserve it. Even when any other friend would leave.

My friends are friends for life. I pick great ones, and these great friends stick with me whether or not they want to.
It's pathetic, it makes me teary. But the people I surround myself with never cease to amaze me. i wish this post was more prophetic, that it explained what the people around me actually mean to me. But it can't. Because the English language is stilted, it doens't have words to describe the indescribable. Wow, that was cheesy. I mean, really cheesy. But screw it, I don't care.

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I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you. I have been changed for good...