South Dakota: Great Places, Great Faces

Wow, it's been awhile. (I wonder how many blog posts on the world wide web start like that....a lot I'm guessing). After a recent inspiration from my dear friend Ryan, and affirmation that people do read this, I am going to post again. I guess I just haven't quite gotten over the fact that blogging seems arrogant. Ah, well. Call me arrogant then.

I looked back on my extensive blog posting...and came to a post a year or so ago. It's funny how little things change sometimes, but how much they do at the same time. This paradoxical idea is the theme of this post. I have been through a lot of changes in the past year, some good, some great, some not so great. I've always prided myself on my flexibility, my ability to change. But I realized that flexibility doesn't negate self-reflection. I say this to mean, sometimes I think I let big things change in my life and instead of dealing or thinking about them, I say to myself, "Ellen, you love change. You can totally handle it. Stop being such a baby." No one can change without dealing with it. What changes are you talking about so generally, Ellen? (okay, can't keep calling myself in the third person...) Let's start with the big one. I can now call myself a South Dakotan. I have called myself many things in my life, a Kansan, Missourian, Michigander (weirdest one by far), and now South Dakotan. This, I can tell, is going to be one of the harder moves because I am old enough to know what it means. I feel so far away from everything, and everyone I know. I told Jesse this, that I feel like I am moving in slow motion while everyone speeds past me. I think he can sympathize with me but if you haven't moved you don't really understand. And I'm not talking about our move to college, although it is very big. One thing that made college easier in my mind was I always had a place of stability at home. People, places that I knew. That has changed. So, how do I deal with it? Don't get me wrong, I love my new quaint home in Vermillion. The scenery is beautiful, and I love the pace here, but I still yearn to be with people I know, besides my family (not thatI am taking them for granted). To me, it is the people that make a town. Happiness isn't real unless shared.

This summer has a lot to teach me, and I think the biggest thing is I am going to be just fine. Sure, my struggles are nothing compared to the majority of the world, I have a stocked fridge, clean water and a warm bed. And I am grateful. But I guess for me, the worries become, when put to the test of independence, could I pass. The answer is yes. So I embrace my new South Dakotan-ness and decide to take and learn what I can from this beautiful country.

A Day of Thanks

Sometimes I wish cliche's didn't exist because it takes meaning away from some of the best things in life. Including physically writing down what you are thankful for. So in spirit of the holiday, these are twenty things I am thankful for...in no particular order. (FYI, the picture, I am thankful for that guy. Just because he is impressive.)

1. My family. It is amazing how I can be so lucky. And I had zero to do with it. Thanks, God.
2. My friends. There aren't words to describe it, and that means...I'm blessed.
3. Patience. Because although it can be tough to wait for something you want so badly, it makes it even better when everything works out.
4. The words, I love you. And the way they make me feel.
5. My church family, wherever I live. They make Sunday mornings, and the days in between, better.
5. Sounds like music...and laughter. Because to me, they go together.
6. Technology. Sometimes I hate it, but it a blessing.
7. The fact that I can look back on my childhood and smile.
8. Being taught confidence, morals, and how to treat others. Because, yes, it is taught.
9. For sloths. Enough said.
10. The fact that I know I have people who would do so much, if not anything, for me.
11. Voice cracks. Thank you for making me laugh....every time.
12. Democracy (extra cheesy, I know)
13. When people fall in trashcans. It doesn't happen often, but when it does...
14. Christmas music
15. That I can safely say I'll never be homeless.
16. Letters, words, sentances and the people who put them together and make them meaningful.
17. The two best states. Michigan and Missouri. South Dakota, you're next.
18. love.
19. faith.
20. my life.

Laughing

I. love. this. video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxUulGkLu4I

I am one of those people that laughs at nearly every video on America's Funniest Home Videos. I have a juvenile sense of humor.
Two things guarantee to make things laugh.

1. When someones voice cracks (preferably a mans)
2. When people fall into trash cans. This however, only seems to happen in the movies, alas.

Recently, I have had this obsession with finding a new laugh, I don't know if it is because I notice other people's laughs or if I notice how awful mine is. No matter the reason, I am working on developing a new laugh. I'll let you know how that goes.

This is a random post. But I guess what pulls it together is, there is no one in this world that dislikes laughter. Sure, we've got the 9th grade emo kids who try to say it only makes them cringe and those who are just too serious but when you get down to it, show me a person who doesn't like laughter and I'll show you a liar. Wise words from Ellen.

Anyway, to the two people(Lizzie and Kat, I love you both) who read this, enjoy the video, although I know Kat has already seen it. And by golly, have a good laugh.

Expertise

I wish there were more things in this life that I could say I was an expert on. Not important things like the economy or mathematics, but like movie trivia. I wish there was a movie I knew everything about, that I could name all the characters, their birthdate. I want to be an expert in something random. I've always thought that people like that are cool because it is something so unique.

Sometimes I think that I am lacking a specific personality, or one that I like at least. Gosh, way to make that small unimportant post into something serious, Ellen. But really, I've been thinking about it a lot. What makes me different from everyone else? Honestly, not a lot. I wish I was one of those people that other people called a "character." I want to be a character. And I think I'll start with a wierd obsession in something random.

Is writing a memoir arrogant?

So, after reading David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day" I am going to begin my memoir. The first thing that comes to mind (per the title) is, is that arrogant? To think that my short lived life is worth writing, and worse, worth the time of strangers. But, no matter, I have already started brainstorming. It will be one of two books to start out my life as a writer. The second being "A Day Worth Writing About." This second one will be the one to make me the big dough, it will no doubtely make the best sellers list. The concept is that I have to write for a certain amount of time every day, in order to become more aware of my life and how I am living it. My memoir will stay dusty on the shelves of quaint bookshops, but that is alright considering I wrote it for myself.

So that's it.

This is one of the more positive posts, and it is indictivative of my mood the majority of the time. So don't be thinking I'm all moody.

Why do I never want to post when I'm happy....which is most of the time.

The feeling, the recognition, the everything of loneliness is one of the hardest things to recognize in yourself. Most of us are surrounded by people and if we aren't, we are surrounded by ways to communicate with people. But amidst a crowd, we still feel lonely. I guess it is because it is not the amount of people you are with but who you are with. Notice the feeble attempt to cover up that cliche with deep musings. But, anyway. I'm lonely. And I hate it. It is one of those dominoe-ing feelings, where you finally recognize that you feel alone and then you start thinking about every insecurity you've ever had. Those are the worst. I know this is just a phase, that it is probably just part of the transition to home but I would really love if it went away. But this is complain-y enough for now.

Really, most of the time I am happy as a clam.

You know you are behind when your mom knows more about the internet than you.

Enjoy Kitty. It's part of a very delayed birthday present. Just part, however.